When Kindness Becomes a Duty, It Makes Us Tired

Some guests tell me things like, "I have no friend I can really talk to,"
or "Do we really need family?" People who care about others too much, and slowly stop trusting people. I think they come to my salon because I am a little like that too.

Until now, I only said simple things to them, like "distance is important," or "you don't have to fit the shape of 'friend' or 'lover'."

But the times are moving, so I wanted to think about it a bit more carefully.

In simple words: I feel that relationships based on duty are slowly ending.

Maybe we can take better care of the relationships we choose ourselves —"I like this person," "I want to make this person happy."

"Housework is my duty for my family."
"I have to carry this project."
"Don't disturb the mood of the office."

For a long time, these were common sense.

But housework is becoming automatic, with delivery services and AI in home appliances. At work, the topic is moving from "I must work hard" to "how do we use AI."

So the roles themselves are changing, or disappearing. And maybe the sense of duty attached to those roles is losing its meaning too.

Also, relationships based on duty do not seem to make people very happy. In 2017, Michigan State University studied more than 270,000 people.

As people got older, friendships were more strongly connected to health and happiness than family was. One reason, the researcher said, is that friends are chosen: if a friendship does not feel good, you can leave it. With family, usually you cannot.

So, back to the beginning.

I think people who get tired from caring too much are using their kindness for "so that I am not disliked." It is still kindness. It is just pointed in the direction of defense.

If that same kindness could be used for "this person I like," I feel the one who gains the most is the sensitive person.

In a time when duty is fading, maybe the people who are rewarded most are
the ones with high empathy.

Honestly, I am not good at this myself. "They are paying me, so I must do a good job" still comes before "I want to make them happy." Changing your own mind is difficult.